Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
