somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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