She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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