Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
