I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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