I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
