remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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