Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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