And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
