Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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