Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
