She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
