He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
love makes seman taste better
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
