Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She's the barista slut.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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