First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
