Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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