Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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