I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
