For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
