guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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