She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize