you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
