i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
