I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
