If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I need to stop coming to work sober
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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