im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
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The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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