I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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