return my video game
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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