I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
