It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
