he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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