it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
