I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
