She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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