peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
