I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
