he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
