Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
