Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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