Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
