so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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