Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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