The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
someone owes me an orgasm
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
