I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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