I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
