Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
