my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
