doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
