I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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