I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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