I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
