you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
