I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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