I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
