You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
