No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
