that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize
