You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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