remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
