She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
